The Man As The Head Of The Home
Note that we say a leader and not a ruler, for the ruler demands that his house goes on the way he wants, whether right or wrong, because he wants to maintain ‘authority.’
He may want peace and he may desire a happy home, but he achieves the opposite because he uses high hand. He thinks a man must not appear to be lenient. He is many times able to manage his family by being too severe in his love and through the desire to be seen to have a disciplined household.
But some men become who could be described as despots, who are feared by their wives and children.
To be the true head of the home, therefore, the number one thing he could do would be to choose his life partner carefully.
Many men look to marry wives based on skin-deep qualities, like beauty and youth. The pretty wife is good to look at and the much younger one, apart from her vigour, should be easy to ‘control’ is the general opinion.
But they discover that these are not enough, as beauty may just be only skin-deep and a partner who agrees with everything he says would not be easy to meet, if you want a long-term relationship.
It would take a wife to make him a family, so the one he marries, even if she thinks that the sun shines out of his eyes, he should be able to look on her as his equal. She must be able to help him provide a happy and harmonious home environment.
Many men are aware of this already and they treat their wives with respect, knowing that leadership in the home is not achieved by showing who is stronger physically.
And we may also say that leadership is not all about who provides the food, because children know only the parent who shows them love. If there is no issue about money at home, they would not know.
We like to compare the past with present, but if we could only look objectively into the past, we could see that couples practiced equality, although the woman could be said to have been a bit slow to realise her importance.
By nature, the man was equipped with a powerful and rather rough stance to play the role of the hunter or farmer. Some people argue that this roughness was to enable him survive as a caveman in those days. The woman could not have been able to work outside the rough terrain, they say.
He would be too tired to cook his food and clean his home and since he could not have children either, he married a woman who did all these and made the home comfortable for resting when he came home from his toil.
The arrangement has hardly changed, these days. The man is still aware of his limitation and wants to have that someone who provides all these and emotional stability. He knows a wife provides them; the one who makes him complete.
The change is that the woman since those times past has made a career outside the home and despite her success, she wants a relationship, and who she wants is that man who is confident in himself.
She wants that man who strides surefooted, could take decision about repairs in the home and cares about his children wellbeing.
She does not dream about a man she can manage as a husband, but wants a relationship where she can contribute subtly and respectfully without being seen as too assertive.
She accepts her place as the other half and wants a man she can look up to as the leader.
The head of the family is the one that cares to protect his family’s name by teaching the children the right value. He loves them and they love him back. They do not go into hiding when he comes home, but rush to greet him.
As the woman can take care of the family these days, we should help the man to earn his place in that high position by not harping so much on who must be head. We should not unwittingly create figureheads in marriage as an institution.
